


falling into the deep blue

by colourmeblue



Series: you're my ocean, painted blue [4]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, Flirting, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25583473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colourmeblue/pseuds/colourmeblue
Summary: Yasha feels Beau take a deep breath beside her. “Well, I don’t get looked after. It’s not a pity party and I’m not complaining about it or anything, just… people generally don’t do that for me. I guess people just assume I can take care of myself. Which I can.”Yasha nods. “But it’s still nice to be taken care of every now and again.”“I mean…” Beau shrugs. “I dunno.”“Beau.” Yasha’s voice is soft. “It’s okay to admit it.” She’d like to think that, at this point, Beau knows that Yasha would never judge her for anything. Least of all feeling something that people feel all the time.“I mean, it was nice. Today.”Yasha feels her heart dip. “I’m glad.”(Spoilers for E102.)
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: you're my ocean, painted blue [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595863
Comments: 16
Kudos: 284





	falling into the deep blue

Much of the evening is spent in the comfortable climate of Caleb’s dome, attempting to understand what they’d all just been through and asking Vilya as many questions as possible.

Beau’s exhausted. Falling unconscious and having a weird undead demon suck the life out of you is a lot to handle in one day. Add on the intense humidity, angry insects, and a worrying encounter with a sort-of-god and Beau is just about ready to get back on the ship and sail out of Rumblecusp for good.

But they’re here for Jester. Also, they may have just made a deal with said sort-of-god that could prove troublesome if they try to leave.

But, that’s a tomorrow Mighty Nein problem.

Instead, Beau tries to rest as comfortably as she can. The dome takes up the entirety of this small piece of flat area of ground they’ve found, and Beau leans against a rock, trying to soak up as much of the cooler temperature the dome offers for as long as she can. She tries to listen to the conversations happening, but her mind starts to wander. Especially when she catches Jester’s eye from across the circle they’re all sitting in.

Jester gives her the eyebrows and tilts her head towards Yasha. She didn’t really  _ mean _ to sit next to Yasha when the dome went up, but Yasha seemed just as exhausted and Beau wanted to give her a space against the large rock if she needed to lean. She almost regrets it now with the looks Jester’s giving her.

She knows she’s found herself in a real mess, and she doesn’t really know what to do.

There’s the crush on Jester, then Yasha returning and Beau’s relatively unknown feelings for her, then Jester encouraging Beau and Yasha. It’s a lot. In a way, she’d rather deal with the creepy undead crying thing in the jungle than this.

It’s the feelings for Yasha that remain a question mark, and the question mark is what scares her. She’s always seen Yasha as unavailable because she  _ has _ been. At least, until just before Obann took her. That final watch they shared plays on her mind from time to time. She’s spent time trying to unpack the things they said, the amount they shared, just the two of them, but she always falls short on an explanation. Now, it feels like Yasha is getting closer, and Beau doesn’t know why or even how to respond.

Then there’s Jester. It’s not that Beau’s questioning the crush, it’s just that she feels two vastly different things for each of them. Her crush on Jester has hurt more than it’s helped so far, especially seeing the apparent connection between her and Fjord day in and out. How she goes to him whenever she has a problem. How the two of them have barely had a conversation since Yasha returned. It becomes more apparent by the day that Jester may never look at her that way. At the same time, she told Veth that she wasn’t going to make a move. So, would it be better for her to attempt to move on? She doesn’t know.

It’s her own fault, really. She continues to entertain this new back-and-forth with Yasha. And she enjoys it. A lot. The way Yasha looks at her shyly when they flirt. Or how Yasha can’t just compliment _ her, _ but she panics and has to compliment everyone around her.

Beau doesn’t have to understand what it all means just yet.

Fjord is the first to mention that they should take watches. Despite her apparent exhaustion, Yasha decides to go first. It makes sense, everyone knows she has trouble sleeping sometimes and maybe taking a watch will wear her out enough to get some rest.

Instinctively, Beau looks over to Jester, who is once again wiggling her eyebrows at her. Subtly, Beau shakes her head with an amused smile. Maybe she  _ should _ talk to Yasha. At the very least, she deserves a thank you for everything she’s done. She certainly wasn’t obligated to heal her or carry her through the jungle or look after her in any way, and Beau wouldn’t have died without that help. Yasha was just being considerate.

So, she stays awake.

It takes a while for the two of them to be really alone - Caleb likes to stay up to read and scribble in his spellbook, and Beau wants to wait until Jester is  _ really _ asleep and not just pretending to be. But they both wait, and eventually, Beau notices that Yasha keeps looking at her out of the corner of her eye.

“Are you tired?” Yasha asks, and when Beau turns, she has an almost amused expression on her face. Beau doesn’t know what to make of it. She’s in a good mood. She has been for a while. It’s nice.

“Yeah. Fucking exhausted.” And she is. Every day on this island seems like an extremely long one. Maybe there’s a part of the island that can make her lose her memories  _ from _ the island.

Yasha looks at her for a moment, before angling her head down towards her shoulder. 

It takes a moment for Beau to realise what she’s gesturing at, but she eventually raises an eyebrow.

“If you need it.”

It’s so casual, and Beau doesn’t know what has come over Yasha lately, but she’s been surprised day after day. She’s much more open than she’s ever been, and Beau knows it has a lot to do with being free from Obann. Being with the Nein again has clearly given her  _ something _ she was missing.

She doesn’t say anything in case it scares Yasha away or makes her change her mind. Instead, she shuffles a little closer and leans against her arm, her head on her shoulder. It’s such an innocent gesture that doesn’t  _ feel _ innocent. Any time she’s in close proximity to Yasha, everything is heightened. Like one wrong move could result in disaster, or one right move could result in something incredible.

Yasha doesn’t move whatsoever, and Beau breathes a little sigh of relief that she interpreted the signs correctly.

“You’re pretty good at this.” All she’s been thinking about since Yasha placed her down during their rest is the warmth and strength of her arms. She was able to appreciate it not just because Yasha is extremely attractive, but it was much more comforting than she was expecting. It felt more... intimate. Mutual. Much more than it ever had been previously. Now, she rests against her arm and immediately feels that same warmth and safety.

She’s never needed to feel safe in the presence of another before. At least, she didn’t think she did. It’s always been Beau on her own and it’s always been enough. Now she’s not so sure. Yasha keeps changing what she thinks at every turn.

Beau feels Yasha shrug beside her. “I can look after people, too. I’m not all about swinging my sword and killing people.”

“Oh.” Beau scrunches her face up. “No. I know that. I didn’t mean- I just meant…” 

“I was joking, Beau.”

Beau chuckles. “Right. All I’m saying is I received five star service today.” She pauses with a smirk, debating whether to continue her thought. “It’s definitely worth more than the original five gold fee.”

Beau hopes that Yasha remembers, and she does. A small smile creeps across her face as she angles her face down towards Beau’s. “Well, it’s gone up in price since last time, so you should feel lucky that you got it for free.”

Her voice is low, and it causes Beau to swallow. She wasn’t expecting Yasha to reciprocate. “Well, uh, you might have a repeat customer.”

Yasha softens, and so does her voice. As if the briefly flirtatious Yasha was never there at all. “Any time, Beau.” She stays silent for a moment. “I wasn’t expecting you to go down like that, so... I was happy to help.”

Beau’s eyebrows furrow. She hadn’t connected the dots that Yasha might’ve been genuinely worried about her falling unconscious again. “Yeah, I guess it was pretty sudden.”  _ Does  _ Yasha really worry about her wellbeing that much? She’s saved her before, recently, but that was from the literal brink of death. Today’s situation hadn’t quite reached that stage. Still, it exhausted her, and leaning against Yasha like this has her feeling drowsy again.

“I just- I...” Yasha lets out a nervous chuckle. “I don’t want anything to happen.”

“To me?” Beau yawns. “Nothing’s gonna happen to me.” She can’t promise that, but that’s just the kind of thing you say to people to reassure them. Right? And besides, she’s bounced back from worse than what happened today.

Yasha chuckles again. “Well, no, not if I have anything to do with it.”

It’s kind of hot. Really hot. Beau will admit it. The way she’s willing to jump into harm’s way to save people she cares about. It’s worrying, but hot. Especially when it’s Beau she’s talking about. Beau turns her head so she can look at Yasha’s face, and she looks worried. There’s something else behind Yasha’s words that she’s not revealing.

Things are more than a little hazy with Yasha. Beau thought she knew where they stood before everything happened with Obann, but now, Yasha is gentler with her. More attentive. More protective. As if freedom from Obann has also meant something more to Yasha. Beau will put herself out there and flirt and Yasha will respond. But with all the evidence, there’s still doubt that clouds Beau’s mind. While she’s typically all about ruining the friendship for something more, this is different. Yasha is a delicate case, and she would die if she ever hurt her. This is not just some girl she had a one night stand with in Kamordah and she’ll never see again.

Beau closes her eyes instinctively, which only makes her feel sleepier. “You were great today. I mean, you’re always great, but… y’know.”

\------

Yasha’s on cloud nine.

Even with everything else going on around them - Vokodo, the island, TravellerCon, the war - Yasha’s still fighting her own battles. Everything regarding Obann still lingers in the back of her mind, and since she’s been back with the Nein, even more has resurfaced. That includes her feelings for Beau.

Before Obann, things were starting to turn in a certain direction, and it made Yasha panic a little. She’s not sure she was ready, and honestly, she’s not sure that she’s ready now. The difference is, she doesn’t want to play like she’s uninterested. She doesn’t want to turn Beau away. She’d rather… test the waters and see what comes of it. Maybe everything after Obann has made her brave.

Except, she’s never done that before, and she doesn’t know how it works.

With Zuala, they fell together and it was simple. The only challenge came from them having to keep the secret of their relationship. With this… her relationship with Beau is one she can’t ruin. She refuses to.

In the end, it doesn’t matter, because as soon as Beau decides to stay awake with her, any rational thought she has goes flying out the window. A part of her wants to be considerate and tell Beau to go to sleep. She almost died and she must be wrecked, but selfishly, Yasha wants her to stay. They don’t get a lot of one on one time anymore.

“You were great today. I mean, you’re always great, but… y’know.” 

Yasha feels her entire body flush, and she thanks the Stormlord that Beau is leaning against her and can’t see the pink tinge that is very likely on her cheeks. Not only that, but she doesn’t think she did anything too outstanding. Anyone who had her strength would offer that to Beau. Right?

“Anyone would’ve helped you, Beau. You know that.” Maybe vocalising her thoughts will validate them. She doesn’t see why anyone else in the party wouldn’t step forward if need be. Sure, the situation wasn’t  _ dire, _ but… still. Yasha doesn’t know what to make of it. 

She doesn’t expect Beau’s silence. While she doesn’t outwardly reject what Yasha says, Yasha can feel that she does on the inside. For a second, she wonders if Beau has fallen asleep on her.

“Beau?”

“Yeah. No. I’m still here.” There’s a hesitance that makes Yasha wish she was looking directly at her after all. “It’s just… I dunno, this is gonna sound fuckin’ stupid.”

“I’m sure it won’t.”

Yasha feels Beau take a deep breath beside her. “Well, I don’t get looked after. It’s not a pity party and I’m not complaining about it or anything, just… people generally don’t  _ do that _ for me. I guess people just assume I can take care of myself. Which I can.”

Yasha nods. “But it’s still nice to be taken care of every now and again.”

“I mean…” Beau shrugs. “I dunno.”

“Beau.” Yasha’s voice is soft. “It’s okay to admit it.” She’d like to think that, at this point, Beau knows that Yasha would never judge her for anything. Least of all feeling something that people feel all the time.

“I mean, it was nice. Today.”

Yasha feels her heart dip. “I’m glad.” Being a source of happiness for Beau… there’s little she cherishes more at this point in her life. 

Beau opens her mouth as if she’s going to say more, but she closes it. Yasha knows she’ll be wondering about  _ that _ all night. The silence that follows is comfortable, and Yasha can feel Beau growing heavier against her. 

“You should go get some proper sleep. You’ll hurt your neck if you sleep like this.”

“Mmm. You’re right. You’re very comfortable though, for the record,” Beau murmurs, clearly halfway to sleep already.

Once again, Yasha feels a wave of warmth crash into her body. She would’ve absolutely let Beau fall asleep there if Beau wasn’t already so sore from everything that happened today. Yasha doesn’t want her to feel any more discomfort, so she reluctantly lets Beau leave her side and settle down on her bedroll, not far from where she’s sitting.

She resists any and all urges to move closer to her, to touch her. She’s restrained by the fact that they’re stuck in a tiny dome with six other people and that Jester or Veth could wake up at any moment and draw attention to them. That brings her back down to earth ever-so-slightly.

Yasha makes sure to curl away from Beau when she sleeps, but she still takes a moment before she drifts off to listen for Beau’s breathing.

\------

_ What is it with Beau’s curiosity putting her in life-threatening situations? _

It’s been a long day already, and Yasha is  _ really  _ starting to dislike this island. Now, she would be more than happy to go back into the jungle and be forced to eat mysterious flowers. Instead, Beau almost died, she had to give up her Skingorger, she briefly lost her memory, and now she’s being thrown into the air by an upside-down waterfall.

She thinks of the wings, and how badass it would look to pop them open right now and be able to fly Beau to safety again. Maybe someday.

She hasn’t even had a moment to process them since she and Veth saw the small gathering of white feathers on the tips. She’s barely had a moment to process the fact that she forgot who her  _ wife _ was this morning. Again, it’s been a long day already.

Yasha’s ears are ringing as her eyes fly open. She’s been airborne today twice more than she should’ve been, and for the second time, she’s laying on her back against a hard, rocky surface. This time, she doesn’t even feel the full impact until after she’s landed and her brain catches up with her body.

Except, this time, there’s a weight on her.

Beau. 

Under any other circumstance, Yasha’s insides would be doing somersaults. Luckily, her heart is already pounding, so that’s a nice cover up. They’re both soaking wet, so that makes it a little more interesting as Yasha tries to wipe her hair out of her eyes. 

Yasha struggles to get a breath out. “Beau?”

“I’m good.” She sounds like she’s in pain, but she’s conscious. 

Not that she expected Beau to be too badly injured from the fall. She knows Beau has special abilities as a monk. Why did she feel the need to stick her hand out and grab her? Probably for the same reason she felt the need to heal her the day before after Fjord had already done so.

What a mess.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah.  _ Fuck _ .” With shaky arms, Beau attempts to get up from on top of Yasha. It’s not very graceful, but she manages. Beau winces as she looks down at her. “You broke my fall. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Yasha waves a hand. She wheezes a little. It certainly knocked the breath out of her. She’s just glad it wasn’t the other way around, because Beau could’ve easily broken a bone. “I already hit the rocks once, so what’s one more time?”

Beau stands up, planting both feet firmly on the ground and holds her hands out to Yasha. It takes a moment with Yasha’s weight, but they manage to get Yasha back onto her feet. 

“You good?” 

Yasha nods, and in the blink of an eye, Beau rushes back over to the side of the cliff to look for a way down.

Yasha, still somewhat shell-shocked by the whole scenario, leans against the nearest rock. Sometimes it seems like Beau has the energy of a small child, and Yasha just can’t keep up.

As soon as they both find their way down to the cave that Fjord discovered, Yasha walks into the entrance and starts to roll her shoulders uncomfortably. She can feel her muscles stiffening as the adrenaline slowly fades and her body begins to cool down.

“You sore?”

Yasha turns to look at Beau, who is standing behind her with an apologetic look on her face.

“It’s not your fault. The first time hurt more. I just… haven’t been slammed like that in a while.” They both know that healing will help temporarily, but this is going to ache for days to come.

Beau frowns, almost sympathetically. “You’ve had a day.”

Yasha’s mind flashes back to Zuala. Molly. Forgetting them, remembering them, then the guilt of forgetting them to begin with. Hurtling up the waterfall.  _ Wings. _ It’s still only the morning. “Yeah. Tell me about it.”

Beau hesitates. “If you want to talk about it, we can-”

“Hey!” Veth calls out to them, and Yasha’s so surprised that she almost jumps. “You two coming or what?”

Yasha realises that the two of them have been lingering at the mouth of the cave while the rest of the group has moved on ahead. Instinctively, she takes a few steps forward, as if that would make their staying behind seem less weird to the group.

In the back of her mind, she knows it won’t.

Beau continues in step with her, as if nothing is amiss.

“Y’know, I’ve got ways to take care of that.” She points to Yasha’s shoulders. “Plenty of injuries in my time. I can help the next time we stop for a break.” 

Yasha gives her an amused expression. “Like a… back rub?”

She means it as a joke, but Beau gives her a half shrug in response. “I mean, I have good hands.” She pauses, clearly realising what she just said. “Uh. I mean- You know what I mean.”

Yasha does, and she’s sure Beau is correct on  _ all _ accounts. She swallows, suddenly feeling the temperature rise around her again. Except, she doesn’t want to back down from it. She doesn’t want to dismiss it and change the subject like she normally would.

“Well, that… yes. Maybe. Anything will help, I’m sure.”

She looks at Beau. Beau looks back at her.

There’s a moment. It’s definitely a moment.

And if they weren’t in a secret cave on the side of an angry volcano with the rest of their party, it might’ve been more than a moment.

_ Fuck _ .

Yasha hears the surface of the water break near them, along with Fjord’s panicked voice spreading throughout the cavern. Something about Caduceus. Something about Vokodo.

Beau and Yasha look at each other again, giving each other a nod. They keep in pace with each other as they both run and dive into the water, swimming towards the ominous orange glow down below.

The previous moment completely melts away. Saved for a later date, as most of them are. They’re starting to pile up now, and Yasha wonders what it will amount to.

Focus on Caduceus and the island of doom now.

Deal with the tidal wave of thoughts about Beau later.


End file.
